10. The micro-managing. Seriously, there are rules for everything. Toddler rules: Watch out if you put the cereal in the wrong colored bowl for that day, cut the sandwich incorrectly, or give her the “spicy” binkie. Asshole boss rules: Don’t you dare get them in the wrong seat on an airplane, order lunch from the wrong place for a meeting, or schedule a meeting over the three-hour workout window. The wrath will be felt. IDIOT.
Dear random chin hair,
Me and my chin
“Quick Shout out to BaKakee in Heaven…we miss you more than you know. I know you are laughing at this horrendous, morbid blunder! “
There are so many things I love to hear as a mom. It’s amazing when you hear your child tell you that they love you, the contagious laughter of your toddler, or all your kids playing quietly together in the next room. But on the flip side, there are also those things that a mom NEVER wants to hear. These are the sounds that strike fear in every mother’s heart, send you into a state of panic, or bring you to the brink of insanity. Something bad usually happens when you hear these things.
The sound of your child whimpering and saying “my tummy hurts”. In a panic I say, “do you have to poop, are you hungry, are you gassy, are you nervous?” Anything but the stomach flu. Anything. Please.
The sound of your bedroom door opening at 4:00 a.m. Mommy, can I get up now? Noooooooooo! Go back to bed. It’s even worse if they are coughing, sniffling, or whimpering when they come in. Sick kids…ugh.
The sound of your child dragging a chair across your wood floor. If they are not supposed to have it, that’s when you hear the chair. Usually just when you sit down for the first time that night. Then you hear the slide…turn around and find them standing on the counter grabbing for scissors or knives.
Being startled awake by the sound of your dog yakking and/or dry heaving. Nothing gets you out of bed faster than a puking dog at 2:00 a.m. If it is not the kids, it’s the damn dog.
“Mommmmmmmmmm! Where are you?” I hate this pretty much any time, but especially just as you close the door to go to the bathroom. They know. They have a radar to know when you are in another room and unavailable. They WILL find you.
A loud crash. RUN! Nothing gets your butt off the couch like the ear piercing crash followed by silence…or screaming. Both are terrifying.
Silence. Although at first you may think it is heavenly…Silence is NOT GOLDEN when you have young kids. If it is quiet, something is going down. Most likely something bad.
It’s ok…I’ll fix it. What are you going to fix? Why does something need fixing? What did you break? I’m 99.9% sure you won’t fix it.
Remember when you were a kid and you woke up on Christmas morning and there it was. The best, most exciting present. The one thing that you were wishing and hoping for. Well, Christmas came a little early for me this year. Not because I got some big, fancy, expensive gift, but because my voice is finally being heard…and heard on the Huffington Post! Yesterday it happened. Yesterday was the day that after months of post submissions to the Huffington Post, they finally picked up, and published one of my pieces! This has been one of my goals since I started writing just four short months ago. Needless to say, I am pretty excited to have accomplished this. Even if it never happens again, I can always say that on November 11, 2016 MY voice was heard on the Huffington Post.
I also wanted to share with all of MY followers some of the things that you have helped me to accomplish in just a few short months. These things were possible because of your support and dedication.
- 17,000 Daily Dump page views since July, 2016
- Publications featured on Scary Mommy, Babble, Sammiches and Psych Meds, Her View From Home, Hooray for Moms, BonBon Break, Red Tricycle, The Tribe Magazine, and now Huffington Post.
- Regular writer for Suburban Misfit Mom and Modern Mom
- 800 new Twitter Followers
- Just shy of 150 new Facebook Daily Dump followers
I would call that SUCCESS! This is far more than I ever could have expected when I first started writing. I just want to keep going and see where this goes.
I also wanted to share the Huffington Post piece with all of my followers on my own site because it its your dedication and support made this happen. You have been the ones that have bee supporting me since the very beginning! So… THANK YOU.
I hope you all enjoy this post and stay tuned for many more on Daily Dump and hopefully on The Huffington Post!
I’M SORRY…THE WORKING MOM’S MANTRA
Nobody understands the concept of the balancing act quite like a working mom. Balancing is an everyday struggle.