I try really hard to do the right thing for my kids. I try to give them the best all the time. Most of the time I fail miserably…that’s right. Fail. According to my kids, I do “it” wrong. Every. Time. No matter what “it” is, I sure suck at it.

My kids like to remind me of my ineptitude as a parent any chance they get. Clearly, I need to work on many things to be better at being their mom…or maybe I just need accept these few things about myself.

I am the meanest mom EVER

It’s true. I am the meanest mom to ever live. I do terrible things like, ask them to get dressed, tell them to shower, throw away “special” scraps of paper on the floor (a.k.a…garbage), don’t let them play outside after dark, and I always yell at them. See? Meanest mom EVER.

I am not fair

I am never fair. Ever. I always let the girls do whatever they want. It’s so not fair that they don’t have to go into time out when he kicks them. It’s not fair that I won’t let him move in to the neighbor’s house. It’s just not fair that we have rules. Obviously, no other moms have rules like mine. The injustice is real.

I NEVER let them do anything fun

According to my kids, we never do anything fun. Apparently taking them to the cabin, beach, parades, Wisconsin Dells, shopping, parks, bike rides, swimming, camping…all horribly NOT FUN. Why would I even think these things are fun? And…we don’t do them every day. Gosh. All I want to do is clean the house and do laundry. Yep, they got that right, I LOVE cleaning and doing laundry on the weekends after working a long 40-hour week. I would so rather clean up your pee on the toilet and toothpaste in the sink than go to the beach. Clearly I’m a Nazi.

Inadequate Cook

I don’t claim to be the world’s best cook…or even a good cook for that matter. But the way my kids act when I make something simple…you would think I was trying poison them. “You made spaghetti and meatballs? I can’t believe it. That is disgusting. It is making me vomit. Chicken Nuggets? Sick. That is the worst food I have ever seen.” Even if I am not cooking, I still do it wrong. I’m so inadequate that I even BUY food wrong “You got me a cheeseburger Happy Meal. Um…I HATE cheeseburgers. Duh. I’m not eating this crap.”

There you have it. Man, I need to get my act together. I see it so clearly now. It’s definitely all wrong. Guess I should thank them for pointing it all out to me. Joke’s on them though…I do one thing right as a parent, I’ve completely mastered doing everything WRONG.