Everyone knows that toddlers can be difficult, unpredictable and even rotten at times. It’s just the way we are at this age. All the learning, discovery, and growing is sometimes just too much for our little brains and bodies to handle. As for me, I’m a go-getter toddler and I strive to be the best at everything I do. Quite frankly, I have nailed this toddler thing. So as a gift to all you B or C level toddlers aspiring to reach A+ status, let me fill you in on my secrets.

THE TODDLER CODE

1. Never, ever eat your dinner. If you liked it yesterday, don’t touch it today. If it is an emergency because you are starving, only eat 3 bites and then ask for a snack 10 minutes later. Parents love that.
2. Make sure you do EVERYTHING yourself. This includes getting dressed, brushing your teeth, putting on your shoes, feeding the animals, even pouring your own glass of milk. If you really want to be top-notch, move at a snail’s pace when your mommy is trying to leave the house.
3. Take out every single puzzle and game in the closet at the same time. Mix up all the pieces and then lose your shit when the wrong puzzle pieces don’t fit together.

Read the rest on Sammiches and Psych Meds! Really, do it. This is funny shit.