I think it is time for another installment of why I am an asshole of a mom. This is serious….obviously I haven’t learned my lesson and I am back at it in full force. My poor, deprived children have to deal with me on a daily basis.
Without further ado, this is why my kids still think I am an asshole.
- I purchased a Slip N’ Slide and thought they might like it. Dumbass.
- I took them out for ice cream. BUT…it was to the WORST ice cream place in the world. So bad they lost their minds and threw it away.
- We went to the beach. Come on, Mom. The beach is the most boring place on earth and he HATES swimming. Obviously I don’t even know my own child. He HATES swimming…starting now.
- He doesn’t have enough socks and they don’t have matches. Join the club, bud. I have no fricking clue where the socks go, but I can assure you that I don’t hide them to ruin your life. I get it. Socks are a big deal.
- I put the Barbie in the car wrong. Obviously I’m an idiot. I totally thought when you said “put Barbie in the car” you wanted me to put Barbie in the car. I apologize for my confusion.
- I ordered pizza for dinner. BUT, once again, it was not the correct pizza. I ordered the horse shit pizza.
- He kicked his sister in the back and I didn’t put her in time out for looking at him. Did you hear me? She was looking at him. Assholery for sure.
- I signed him up for the field trip that he begged me to. He doesn’t want to go to that dumb field trip. What?
- I told her to brush her hair before we left the house.
- I made her wear green flip flops because she lost her pink ones. I have learned my lesson. The correct thing to do would have been to wait three hours for her to finish crying and then use my magic wand locator to find the pink ones.
- I have no idea what the video “Barbie babies tummy kids swimming” is on You Tube. Better convulse on the floor and slap me. Ummmm….yea.
There you have it. My mom assholery at its finest, yet again. Stay tuned for Part IV in the near future.
Once an asshole…always an asshole.