Tis the season! Companies everywhere are hosting the annual “performance” when they pretend they care about their employees for that one very special, drunken night. The awkward boozing and schmoozing with upper management and your co-workers is at an all-time high. Personally, nothing gets me more into the Christmas spirit than being forced to hang out with a bunch of intoxicated co-workers, only a handful of which I can tolerate, late into the night after a long day of working with those very same people. If I am being honest, I don’t like spending time with most of you, even when I am getting paid for it.
How wonderful and generous that our fabulous companies want to throw us a party! How great for morale! Ahem…only problem is…no one actually wants to go. Yes, insensitive bosses everywhere, it’s true. Most of your employees really do hate attending your annual holiday party. Not everyone enjoys drinking, getting harassed by drunk people, and eating the god-awful food you have catered in for the big event. If I was going to have a night out without kids, it would be with my husband and sure as hell wouldn’t be spent with my intoxicated boss.
Those of us who are lucky enough to be in administrative support roles sometimes get the worst of these parties. First, we are forced to be on some dumb planning committee and attend pointless meetings about a party we don’t care about nor do we want to attend. Then, you expect us to plan the party, coordinate all the details, set up the party, and then clean up afterwards. Wait…didn’t you say this was a Christmas party to thank your employees, increase employee morale, and wish them the happiest of holidays? Hmmmm…something doesn’t seem right.
Here are some other reasons why I hate these dumb, forced, drunken bashes.
  • I talk to you jokers every day, all week long. What makes you think I want to spend my evening with you also?
  • Yes, it’s expected that we be there for “team building” I get that. But here is an idea, how about you do it during the day while I am already at work so I get paid for it. Don’t make it more stressful by having it one evening in the middle of the week so your employees have the added stress and guilt of having to make other arrangements for their kids pick-up, transportation to and from sports, and bed time. Not everyone has a paid nanny at their beckon call.
  • The food tastes like shit. Always. We don’t want to be forced to eat nasty food because your best friend owns a “catering” company and you get some sort of discount or kick back for using them. Don’t trade your employees for brownie points with your BFF.
  • Surprisingly, most women don’t enjoy fending off drunk asses as you try to harass us, dance with us, or be inappropriate with us. Really, we aren’t interested.
  • Sorry, but we don’t want to listen your drunken sob story about your divorce or about how you can’t afford to go to Hawaii this year for Spring Break because numbers are down. Really. I. Don’t. Care.
  • And my favorite, you won’t even let us socialize with the people that we want to talk to. You criticize us for hanging out with the people that we work with every day and not “mingling” with other departments and managers. So really, you force us to go, and then force us to talk to people we don’t want to. I can’t imagine why no one wants to go!
I’m not saying don’t have a holiday party. There are probably companies out there that really do mean well and throw great parties where none of these things happen. Just not any that I have ever worked for. I’m just saying please respect your employees, and don’t pretend that a holiday party during the busiest time of the year, in the middle of the week after a long day of working is a perk. If you want to make your employees feel appreciated, then motivate them, respect them, respect their time, and give them a break from work.
 

 

Assholes, we drink because of you…we don’t want to drink with you.


 

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