In a bold statement released last Tuesday, the NERF Rifle Association (NERFRA) announced that it fundamentally opposes the proposed legislation that would ultimately protect younger siblings and moms from being pelted in the face repeatedly with NERF bullets. This proposed legislation is a direct result of recent uproar in the community for more stringent NERF Gun control after several reported “incidents”. In complete and utter disagreement, a local NERFRA spokesperson commented, “Older brothers have the constitutional right to protect themselves from their annoying little sisters. End of story.”
While NERF Gun control has been in the limelight for years, NERFRA decided to take action against the controversial new legislation. NERFRA has always maintained that the alleged “incidents” that prompted the changes to legislation could be easily controlled and/or eliminated by other means. Entirely banning the NERF Guns that ultimately lead to direct sister and mom face-pummeling is not just the answer. Some of their suggestions include more stringent child background checks (i.e. Cross-checking with Santa’s naughty list), limiting access to NERF ammo for naughty kids, capping the number of NERF Guns Grandma is allowed to purchase, or increased access to NERF Guns for all members of the household. They argue that giving the whole family more access to NERF Guns could easily give sisters and moms more opportunity to defend themselves, if necessary. The local NERFRA spokesperson commented, “the problem isn’t the brother’s NERF Guns…the problem is that little sisters don’t have easier access to more of their own NERF Guns.”
Last Tuesday, a frustrated mom testified in favor of the new controls. “I’m just so sick of this shit. I am constantly caught in the crossfire and get pummeled in the face by foam bullets at all hours of the day. I’m done, goddamnit. I’m done,” she said. In an emotional speech, a local little sister further advocated for NERF Gun control saying, “Little sisters are always getting ambushed, and it just needs to stop. Going to the bathroom….shot; Sleeping in bed….shot; In the shower…shot; Playing with Barbies…shot. It’s just not fair,” she said with tears streaming down her face.
The local neighborhood boy’s squad has always been an avid supporter of the NERFRA and adamantly disagreed with their mom’s stupid gun rules. “We just want to feel safe and have the constitutional right to use our NERF guns. My butt-head sister deserves it,” one boy squad member maintained. “My weapon of choice is the Mega Mastodon Blaster,” another boy stated. “Check this out,” he said as he unleashed a shit storm of NERF bullets directly at his unsuspecting little sister. “Boom. She screamed and ran away crying. Mission complete”, he said.
Regardless of where you sand on the issue of NERF gun control, the debate is far from over. One thing that is clear…There will be more to come, folks; more to come.