I’ve always been a clean person. I like to keep a clean house and have everything in its place. I am terrified of germs and I definitely consider myself a germ-a-phobe. Once I had kids, all of that pretty much went out the window…well, the germ phobia, that is probably worse.

Kids are disgusting, filthy little creatures. Let’s face it, their hands always need to be washed, there is always something crusty stuck to their face, and they are constantly touching things they haven’t figured out it’s not ok to touch. I am sure that any parent could probably tell you horror stories about things their kids have touched, licked, or put in their mouths, thanks to their natural curiosity and fearlessness. The phrase “Don’t Touch That” is all too familiar.

So, all you new moms out there that don’t quite know what you have gotten into yet, let me share some tasty little examples of what you may be up against in the very near future. Unless you have a very strong stomach, you might not want to read this while eating.

Things kids do and touch that might make you dry-heave

  • Lick the salt shaker at restaurants. Just imagine all the grimy hands on that bad boy.
  • Suck on candy off the floor (probably covered in fuzz and hair…not to mention someone else’s saliva).
  • Pick up cigarette butts they find in parking lots.
  • Feminine hygiene garbage cans in the restroom. Always. They can’t resist the fingerprinted, silver delightfulness.
  • Drinking fountain spigots. Full-on mouth over the top.
  • Chew on the dirty, old, half-eaten crayons at a restaurant. Imagine how many kids have sucked on them and dropped them under the table on the disgusting floor.
  • Lick just about anything in sight…shopping cart handles, elevator buttons, the bottom of their shoes, pretty much anything at their eye level.
  • Drink stagnant dog water from the dog bowl.
  • Play in the cat litter. Lots of buried treasure in there.
  • Eat food they found when they emptied out the bathroom garbage…old gum, half eaten granola bars, rotten bananas…doesn’t matter to them.
  • Touch any glass surface anywhere (windows, doors, aquariums, displays). Full hand prints and tongues all over it.

Moral of the story? Obviously, we should do our best to teach them to keep their hands to themselves and make sure they fully grasp how disgusting it is to lick stuff other people touch. AND don’t think too hard about it…you’ll put yourself into a panic. It’s inevitable that it is going to happen, might as well not barf.

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