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Minneapolis, MN – Children everywhere are completely blown away when a new study published by The NCSS (National Common Sense Society) confirmed that garbage cans are for just that…garbage. This shocking revelation was confirmed last Tuesday and kids are appalled to learn that their own, stupid parents were right this whole time. Youngsters are reportedly in awe as they begin to connect the dots and realize that there are several receptacles located throughout the house made specifically for debris and wrappers, and that garbage is not meant to be shoved in the couch cushion, under the desk, behind the couch, on the floor, under your bed, out the window, or even set on the table or counter after all.

Fourth-grader Nave Bismark stated, “So you are telling me that the container under the sink with the bag in it is actually for trash? Mom and Dad have been telling me for years not to throw my granola bar wrappers and yogurt cups behind the desk in the office. Something about ants…blah, blah, blah. Now I hear this….Mind. Blown.”

The NCSS further confirmed the definition of garbage as: “Wasted or spoiled food and other refuse, as from a kitchen or household. A thing that is considered worthless or meaningless.” A local garbage collector confirmed, “Items such as wrappers from food/candy, containers from food, chewed food, chewed gum, peed in Pull Ups, scraps of cut up paper, sucker sticks, torn artwork, ripped stickers, crayon wrappers, empty cracker boxes, broken toys are all considered garbage. Those little bastards need to learn to clean up after themselves.” An exhausted mom reportedly said “I am hopeful with the release of this information, I may be able to spend less hours a week wondering through the house picking up garbage from the floor and killing the ants attached to the rotten food strewn about the house.”

This, folks, may be a game changer for parents living in squalor caused by children.

Life Love and Dirty Dishes