St. Michael, MN – In the wake of the latest argument with her children, a local mom was completely blown away when she learned that her kids think she is a real asshole. Clearly deluded in believing everything was fine, Bismark, 38, claims that she doesn’t intentionally try to piss her kids off. “I just don’t get it. I think I am pretty nice,” she said.

When interviewed Tuesday, her kids tell a very different story.  “She told me I had to take a shower last night. I’m totally clean enough. Only a real asshole does that,” recalled her oldest child. “I have zero patience for that bullshit,” he said. Her daughter painfully relived the time she claims Bismark made her move spots on the couch so her sister could sit too.  “It’s just not fair. I wanted to lay sprawled over the entire couch. Isn’t it my right to sit where I want? That B made me move over.”  Even the youngest agreed, “Yep, she’s a total asshole.  Whenever I want to wear tights for pants, she says no. When wouldn’t this be acceptable? What kind of mom would do that to her kid?”

After thinking about her actions, Bismark reportedly acknowledged that she really is a humongous asshole. “To be honest, I just want to thank all of my children for bringing my asinine behavior to my attention before it was too late. I am going to do better.” A close family friend went so far as to predict, “Armed with this newfound knowledge, she’ll pretty much be the best mom ever…probably,” she said.