Category

Parenting

Humor, kids, Parenting

56 Reasons My Kids Can’t Eat Dinner

Mealtime with kids is always a big adventure. Most of the time, it is hellish. There is always a reason they don’t want to eat what I have made for them. I must admit, I am not the best cook in the world, but how bad can it actually be?

As an adult, this is all very confusing because, honestly, I can’t remember a time that I didn’t want to eat. In fact, I think about food all day long. Seriously, all day…I think about lunch, snack, what to have for dinner, treats…constantly. I’d even go so far as to say that my world kind of revolves around food. I have even been known not to attend events or gatherings because it interferes with a meal.

So, why can’t the kids just eat their dinner? As I mentioned, I am not a gourmet chef, but it’s like five green beans and cheese quesadilla. Just eat it. It’s pretty much the most non-offensive food known to man. It’s not like I am presenting them with a plate of balsamic-glazed salmon seared to perfection with a handmade lime drizzle. I mean honestly, it is cheese. I guess it is because kids are all about excuses. Those clowns have excuses for everything you can think of and can talk their way out of everything. Or, I really suck at melting cheese on tortillas and heating up chicken nuggets and green beans.

Here is a small sample of 56 excuses my kids give to not eat their dinner.

  1. I don’t like “it” (Doesn’t matter what “it” is; doesn’t matter if they at “it” yesterday)
  2. It looks funny (no, it‘s the same)
  3. It tastes different
  4. I’m not hungry
  5. I hate this food (lies)
  6. It is too crunchy
  7. It’s too soft
  8. It too spicy (It’s plain)
  9. I only eat peanut butter sandwiches, this is not a sandwich
  10. I’m busy
  11. My tummy hurts
  12. It’s too hot
  13. It’s too cold
  14. It’s not 98.5 degrees
  15. It’s not on your plate
  16. I only eat food on blue plates
  17. It’s not chicken nuggets
  18. Next day: It is chicken nuggets and I hate them
  19. I want cheese
  20. Not that cheese…idiot
  21. I want to go outside
  22. The dog ate it
  23. I’ll just have a snack later
  24. I’ll just have milk and a cracker
  25. I’m full (after drinking the milk and eating one cracker)
  26. I’m too tired to eat
  27. It smells gross
  28. It’s green
  29. Grandma makes it better
  30. It’s not yellow
  31. I hate rice
  32. I have a headache
  33. It’s not ham
  34. I’m in the middle of a Pokemon “battle” and I can’t come eat now
  35. It feels funny
  36. I hate your dinners
  37. It has too much butter (What? There is no such thing as too much butter)
  38. I must poop, this very instant
  39. I’m busy (um…you’re three, how busy can you be?)
  40. It feels funny
  41. I prefer candy
  42. It’s too whiteish
  43. It has something weird in it
  44. I want to sit next to mom or I can’t eat
  45. It’s dry
  46. It’s too wet
  47. It’s ugly
  48. I’m singing
  49. It’s yucky
  50. I’m sick
  51. It’s scary
  52. I want chips
  53. I’m cold
  54. I don’t to have to eat
  55. I have to pee
  56. The neighbors are out and they don’t have to eat

Before you judge my parenting tactics, I know that eating a balanced, healthy meal is important. In fact, even they know that. But I can’t force feed them at every meal. Sometimes, I just have to pick my battles. If they want to cry and gag because of the offensive cheese, then there is nothing I can do about it. Eventually they will grow out of it, right? Soon they will be daydreaming of the next snack or meal like their mama. I long for the days that I could resist a tasty meal.

Kids, food rules! You’ll figure that out eventually!

Cuddle Fairy
Humor, kids, Parenting

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

We have already established that parent’s lie to their kids sometimes. We can come up with some really ridiculous things when trying to convince them to do something, avoid a meltdown, or even just because we are tired. But our kids will try their best to pull one over on us as well, especially when they are trying to get out of something they don’t want to do. I guess they learned from the best!

Kids say the darndest things…especially when they are trying to get away with something. They learn early on that they can get away with more if they just bend the facts a little. Truth is, children probably lie for many of the same reasons adults do: to avoid punishment, to gain an advantage, to avoid a consequence, and even to boost their self-esteem.

How do they get away with it so easily? Perhaps it is because they are so cute, or maybe it is those big eyes and dimples. They look so innocent and believable. But, don’t be fooled. Most likely, you have been conned. Those little stinkers are good. Even your perfect children have kept the truth to themselves at one time or another. Whether it’s because they wanted to keep a bad grade to themselves, avoid something, or to sneak off to play, it’s inevitable that a fib will come out of your child’s mouth at some point.

Here are some common things I hear around my house that are not completely accurate…

“I don’t know” – Well…They probably do know. But do you really think they’re going to tell you? No way. They know it won’t be good for them so their lips are sealed.

“I didn’t do it” – If you’re asking them, then they probably did do it. They will just never fess up to it.

 

 

 

 

“My brother/sister did it” – Again, they did it. Blaming their sibling is an easy out. It only works for a while though. Once the sibling can talk, the fighting starts.

“I finished my homework”– I bet this is actually only the case 35% of the time. They almost always miss something, rush through and make mistakes…and the reading. There is always reading to be done.

“I ate all my lunch”– In reality, they probably threw it away. I can tell they are starving by the way they are stuffing their faces the second they walk in the door after school.

“I feel sick” – This statement comes in handy when they don’t want to eat their dinner, do their homework, go to bed, go to school, go somewhere, clean their rooms…you get the idea. I don’t buy it.

“I need to go to the bathroom” – This excuse is a gem for them. At church, school, sibling’s performance, or on a long car ride. Getting up is way better than sitting quietly. In their minds mom and dad will never say no to having to pee. We wouldn’t’ want an accident, now would we?

“I’ll be good” – The fact that they’re saying this means that they’ve already no been good and been warned about their behavior.  In reality, they have no intention of listening or being good. They are just going to see how far they can push you.

Guess what kids? We are on to you! We were all kids once and we know the game.

What other lies have your kids told you?

Cuddle Fairy
Run Jump Scrap!
Diary of an imperfect mum
Life Love and Dirty Dishes
“Mrs.AOK,
One Messy Mama
My Petit Canard
My Random Musings
JENerally Informed

 

Humor, kids, Parenting

An Ode to the Mom Purse

Oh, the splendid mom purse. You know the kind…The big, magical bag that contains anything and everything that anyone would need at any given moment. These usually massive hand bags contain everything from snacks to crayons to underwear to candy.

With every child, my mom purse has grown in size. What once was a small, clean, neat and tidy bag now resembles a mangled, dirty, messy suitcase filled with papers, garbage, and food. You see, part of being a mom is having whatever those little monsters might need on hand just in case they need it. Band-Aids…check! Hand sanitizer…check! Coloring books…check! So, my purse doubles (ahem…triples) as a diaper bag, suitcase, and bottomless satchel of life resources.

Just the ot her day, my kid was asking me for a Kleenex while we were in the car. I honestly didn’t have one in my purse (shockingly). She lost her shit. It dawned on me right then that she literally didn’t understand that I didn’t have one in my purse. You see, to my kids, my purse has always been a vast container that produces everything they need whenever they need it. She literally couldn’t grasp that I didn’t have what she was asking for. “What do you mean, you don’t have a Kleenex? How can this be? This has never happened before.” It was definitely a fail on my part. The magic satchel wasn’t so magic that day.

As one could imagine, the mom purse can take quite a beating. It goes everywhere. Eventually, the mom purse gets to the point where the clutter and dirt can no longer be tolerated or the bag is so disheveled that it needs to be tossed; It is time for a fresh start. A mom can only handle so much…After hauling around garbage, important papers, food, and childhood necessities for months, it is time to clean out and begin anew.

To me, there are few things more satisfying than purging the contents of or getting a new mom purse. For that short-lived, glorious moment I feel like I have got my shit together. “Look at me…my purse totally doesn’t have rotten food or garbage in it and it is completely clutter-free.”

This is about as close as I ever come to organizing my life.

But, like anything in life, what starts out as a clean, perfect, organized, pretty little package gradually becomes battered, dirty, ripped, and cluttered once again. Slowly, but surely, it becomes a dirty shell of the beautiful purse it once was.

So, what is the point of this delightful little tale? I guess it is a couple things. First, you can never be too prepared with kids. All jokes aside, fill up that bad boy with whatever you want, moms. When your kid is flopping around on the floor at Target for some stupid reason and you remember that you have a tic tac, a sticker, or duct tape and can save the day, you’ll be happy. Whatever it takes to keep them quiet. Second, husbands, stop complaining when your wife gets that new purse…again. Let her feel that her life is put together for that one amazing moment. Even though it will become worn and tattered once again, let her have that moment.

Life Love and Dirty Dishes
My Petit Canard
One Messy Mama
Sticky Mud and Belly Laughs
My Random Musings
JENerally Informed

 

3 Little Buttons
Humor, Parenting

The Momtrum

Have you ever wigged out on your kids for a stupid reason? Have they ever just pushed you to the point of no return? I’m guessing you said “yes”. It is inevitable. All moms lose their cool at one time or another. Nobody can be perfect and calm all the time when dealing with children, no matter how bad we want to. Kids learn very early on how to push our buttons…and they always know just the right time to do it. They will test you and push you to extremes you didn’t even know were possible. Eventually, the stress gets to be so much that there is nothing you can do but lose it. I call this the mom tantrum (momtrum).

You never really know what it will be that will set a momtrum into motion. Maybe it was a bad day at work and coming home to a messy house, could be hormones, or possibly the constant sound of bickering kids in the background. Whatever it is that starts it, it puts that wheel into motion and the momentum just escalates. The mom-pot is about to boil over.

Warning signs:

  • Your voice starts to shake and gets higher pitched.
  • You feel your face starting to get hot and turn red.
  • You start slamming things around.
  • The urge to scream and cry uncontrollably is almost too much.
  • Your kids start looking at you with terror in their eyes…they know shit is about to get real.

 You do everything you can to try to prevent it and pull out all your coping mechanisms…count to 10, try to step way, take deep breaths, blah, blah, blah. But BAM. It happens. You boil over and there is no turning back now. You are in full-blown mom tantrum. You yell at the kids, you stomp around and slam things, you probably drop a curse word or two, and you begin making random and unenforceable threats to your children or husband (I swear that if you don’t pick up your crap I am going to throw away every single one of your toys away. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE).

And…there you find yourself, out of control…toddler style.

Folks, the momtrum is real, whether we like to admit it or not. Moms snap. Lose our cool. Being a mom is exhausting and stressful…and no one can quite prepare you for mix of emotions you can feel all at the same moment. I am fairly confident that no one wants to act like an out of control toddler and have our kids see us lose control. How are you supposed to explain acceptable behavior to your children when you are acting like one yourself? I think we all want to be the calm, level-headed moms that can roll with the punches…and sometimes we can…just not all the time. Sometimes, an all-out tantrum is necessary for survival. It is a release. For me, it is usually when I am tired, hungry, or stressed out about something beyond my control. The little things will just set me off. The next thing I know I am screaming at my kids to pick up the shit that I have asked them to pick up 10,000 times before. But guess what? That shit gets picked up! Sometimes, fear tactics work, my friends.

So go ahead, throw a momtrum every once in a while. Its therapeutic. Everyone has their breaking point…even moms. Hey, maybe you’ll get your way or the kids might actually get their shoes on the first time you ask. Tantrums work for toddlers, right?

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

JENerally Informed

 

Epic Mommy Adventures
Mummascribbles
3 Little Buttons
Cuddle Fairy
Run Jump Scrap!
Hot Pink Wellingtons
Diary of an imperfect mum
Mummuddlingthrough
One Messy Mama
Life Love and Dirty Dishes
My Petit Canard
My Random Musings
kids, Parenting

Kids These Days…ARE EXPENSIVE!

Kids are expensive. Duh, I probably don’t have to tell any of you that. Even people without children know that it costs a lot of money to raise a child. You could probably compare it to lighting money on fire and just watching it burn. There is always something they need at any given moment. Whether it is the general necessities like food, diapers, clothes, and child care or the less necessary like toys, sports, braces, or cell phones…it all adds up very quickly.

When you first have a baby you think to yourself, I’ll just suck it up while they are babies. We’ll pay for the diapers, formula, and child care and we will save money once they are out of diapers. Ha! I have three kids (9 and under) and I am still waiting for the day that I don’t have to spend money on diapers. If it is not the diapers then it is the school supplies, sports, camps, more food, braces…the numbers just keep mounting even as they get older.

I read a recent statistic the other day that pretty much blew my mind. The total average cost of raising a child from infancy to age 17 in the U.S. is currently….drumroll please….$233,610 (U.S. Department of Agriculture, 2017). For each kid. What? And that number doesn’t even include a college education. How can this be? How are parents even supposed to do that?

If you have kids, it is probably best not to think about it. Not much you can do now. If you haven’t had kids yet, think about it…very hard. I’m not saying not to have kids because they are expensive, but rather, think about all the expenses first. There is far more to it than just diapers and formula. There are many hidden costs that you just don’t think about until you actually have kids. Things like:

  • Food – The amount of wasted food is ridiculous. Granola bars with one bite out of them. Bananas that are “no good” because they broke. Billions of uneaten dinners.
  • The urgent care visits. Strep, pink eye, stitches, broken bones…over and over and over. I’ve spent a good portion of my salary on co-pays for strep tests.
  • Christmas presents (from you and “I’ll just ask Santa for an iPad, they say.”).
  • Halloween costumes and candy. That stuff adds up quick year after year (that is if you don’t want to be the crappy neighbor that hands out old parade candy from last summer).
  • Extravagant birthday party venues. Yes, venues. Can’t let your kid be the one that has a lame party at home with no circus. The shame.
  • Cost of gas. You are shuttling them around all over town. It’s like a reverse taxi service… you drive and you pay.
  • Legos – the amount of money spent on Legos is absurd. They are expensive and they usually end up broken on the bottom of a toy box.
  • American Girl Dolls and accessories (because apparently dolls need their hair done at a salon – I had no idea).
  • Shoes…Kids go through shoes at lightning speed. They outgrow them. They put holes in them. They lose them.
  • Cost of electronics. They need ipads and iphones at the age of 2 these days.
  • Netflix subscriptions. It has become a necessity.
  • The wine you need to drink on a daily basis just to survive parenthood.

So if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be off cutting coupons…and selling my organs on the black market. Gotta pay for college somehow.

Run Jump Scrap!
Hot Pink Wellingtons
Diary of an imperfect mum
Life Love and Dirty Dishes

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

My Random Musings

content/uploads/2015/11/marvmondays-badge-e1483873982565.png” alt=”My Petit Canard” />

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday
3 Little Buttons
Cuddle Fairy
Humor, Parenting

Borderline Insane Things Moms do Without Even Knowing

Once a woman has kids, she changes and is never really the same again. Your brain cells are gone, your body will never be the same, and you are an emotionally basket case most of the time. I bet if you asked any mom out there, she would say that her brain just works differently now…and sometimes it doesn’t seem to work at all.  Her mind is always on someone else first, her children. And believe me, they create a lot of things to think and worry about. This just comes along with being a mom.

Not only does having children make you lose your mind, it also preoccupies your mind. All the time. There are far too many things to think about at any given moment. “I hope they are having a good day…oops, I forgot to pack their snack this morning…did I feed the cat…I think we have gymnastics tonight…I wonder what we can do as a family this weekend?” And so on and so on. This can lead to some interesting behavior from time to time since we are not always paying complete attention to what we are doing. Moms don’t even realize that they are doing it, but for people who are not moms, well, we probably look pretty darn crazy. Honestly, maybe we are crazy. I certainly feel like it sometimes. Kids will do that to a person.

Here are some things that I find myself doing and I don’t even realize it!

Swaying back and forth as if you were holding a baby. I find myself doing this all the time…in line at the store, waiting for the elevator, and even when chatting with co-workers. Back and forth, back and forth. Probably looks pretty weird and might make people uncomfortable.

Talking out loud to yourself all the time. Sometimes I feel like this is the only way I can keep anything straight. I have full on conversations with myself at times. I am sure I look like a whack job.

Pointing out firetrucks and garbage trucks to your co-workers. You are so used to doing this for your kids, that it just comes naturally. I even find myself getting excited when I see one of them driving down the road.

Referring to your spouse as “daddy” or “mommy”.  “Go ask Daddy.” “Maybe Daddy knows where your hat is (Hahahaha – it was a good thought).”

Cutting up your own food into bite-sized pieces. Although this can be helpful and can prevent choking, it is unnecessary. I do it so often that I forget.

Catching yourself watching kid’s shows long after they are asleep. The sound of The Disney Channel and the “movie of the week” have become so normal I don’t even notice anymore.

Hearing “phantom crying” and going to check on the kids, AGAIN. “Did you hear that? Did someone make the faintest sound? I know I heard something.”

Awkwardly holding your purse or bag in front of you because you don’t know what to do with your arms. You are so used to holding a child, backpacks, diaper bags, and all of their other crap, you don’t know what to do when your arms are free.

Carrying around way too many things in your purse, for emergencies. Underwear, snacks, socks, candy, crayons, wipes, etc. It’s a joke. But it is best to be prepared.

Referring to ourselves in the third person. “Mommy will be right back.” “Mommy loves you.” We would sound pretty dumb if we did this anywhere else. “Mommy would like to order the side salad and a diet coke.” “Mommy would like to know where the bathroom is.”

So…maybe we are crazy. Maybe we are not. We are moms. It’s just what we do now.

Life Love and Dirty Dishes
My Random Musings
“Mrs.AOK,

Mummascribbles

3 Little Buttons
Epic Mommy Adventures
JENerally Informed
Run Jump Scrap!
My Petit Canard

 

Humor, kids, Parenting

Keep Your Hands To Yourself

I’ve always been a clean person. I like to keep a clean house and have everything in its place. I am terrified of germs and I definitely consider myself a germ-a-phobe. Once I had kids, all of that pretty much went out the window…well, the germ phobia, that is probably worse.

Kids are disgusting, filthy little creatures. Let’s face it, their hands always need to be washed, there is always something crusty stuck to their face, and they are constantly touching things they haven’t figured out it’s not ok to touch. I am sure that any parent could probably tell you horror stories about things their kids have touched, licked, or put in their mouths, thanks to their natural curiosity and fearlessness. The phrase “Don’t Touch That” is all too familiar.

So, all you new moms out there that don’t quite know what you have gotten into yet, let me share some tasty little examples of what you may be up against in the very near future. Unless you have a very strong stomach, you might not want to read this while eating.

Things kids do and touch that might make you dry-heave

  • Lick the salt shaker at restaurants. Just imagine all the grimy hands on that bad boy.
  • Suck on candy off the floor (probably covered in fuzz and hair…not to mention someone else’s saliva).
  • Pick up cigarette butts they find in parking lots.
  • Feminine hygiene garbage cans in the restroom. Always. They can’t resist the fingerprinted, silver delightfulness.
  • Drinking fountain spigots. Full-on mouth over the top.
  • Chew on the dirty, old, half-eaten crayons at a restaurant. Imagine how many kids have sucked on them and dropped them under the table on the disgusting floor.
  • Lick just about anything in sight…shopping cart handles, elevator buttons, the bottom of their shoes, pretty much anything at their eye level.
  • Drink stagnant dog water from the dog bowl.
  • Play in the cat litter. Lots of buried treasure in there.
  • Eat food they found when they emptied out the bathroom garbage…old gum, half eaten granola bars, rotten bananas…doesn’t matter to them.
  • Touch any glass surface anywhere (windows, doors, aquariums, displays). Full hand prints and tongues all over it.

Moral of the story? Obviously, we should do our best to teach them to keep their hands to themselves and make sure they fully grasp how disgusting it is to lick stuff other people touch. AND don’t think too hard about it…you’ll put yourself into a panic. It’s inevitable that it is going to happen, might as well not barf.

My Random Musings
My Petit Canard
Epic Mommy Adventures
JENerally Informed

 

Mummascribbles

3 Little Buttons
Hot Pink Wellingtons
Diary of an imperfect mum
Run Jump Scrap!

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

One Messy Mama
Humor, kids, Parenting

No is Not Another Word For Yes

No means No!

No doesn’t mean Yes!

Dear Kids,

I would like to go over something with you. There seems to be a bit of confusion with the meaning of a very familiar word that we both use all too often. It’s a word that when you, yourself use it, you seem to understand just fine. It’s when anyone else uses this very same word with you, that is when the confusion sets in. The word I am referring to is “No.”

It is such a simple little word. Only two measly little letters. It was actually the first word that all three of you learned when you were very young. “No”. You clearly understood the meaning way back then, but now, I am not so sure. Perhaps you have forgotten. Perhaps there is some sort of confusion in the context of which I say this word. Or maybe, you just don’t hear me or care when I say it.

So, my precious little angels, please know that when I say this word, I really do mean it. It should be the end of the story, case closed…but somehow it is not. “No” doesn’t mean ask 10,000 more times. “No” doesn’t mean maybe. “No” doesn’t mean throw a fit and try to get your way. “No”, is not another word for yes. In reality, it simply means “no”.

I want you to know that I am not just a mean mom…I don’t just say this dreaded word to annoy you or make you mad. There are very good reasons for why I do what I do.

It could be that what you are asking is unsafe.

“Can I play in the construction site across the street after dark?” No.

It could be that what you are asking is too expensive.

“Can you buy me another American Girl Doll for no reason other than I want it?” No.

It could be that what you are asking will take too long for the amount of time that we have available.

“Can you take me to the park to play even though we need to leave for gymnastics in 15 minutes?” No.

 It could be that the timing of your request isn’t the greatest.

“Can I have a snack (right after I just finished cleaning up all the dishes from dinner)?  No.

 It could be that what you are asking for is just annoying, plain and simple.

“Can I buy another giant Nerf gun when we run to Target later.” Hell No.

Or maybe what you are asking for is just simply not a good idea.

“Can you get me the super glue, paint, a Sharpie, and scissors so I can make a “special” art project before school?” No.

So, kids, next time you hear me use the dreaded word “no”, please listen. Don’t argue. Don’t cry and flop around on the floor like a fish out of water. You are not going to get your way. Just listen. It is for your own good. No is not another word for yes.

Love,

Mom

Mummascribbles

JENerally Informed

 

3 Little Buttons
Run Jump Scrap!
Cuddle Fairy
Hot Pink Wellingtons
Diary of an imperfect mum
My Random Musings
My Petit Canard
Humor, kids, Parenting

5 Personalities of a Threenager

Threenager: Size of a three-year-old…attitude of a teenager. I’m sure if you don’t have one yourself, you have seen them around bossing and yelling at everyone in sight. These little divas want to rule the roost, and will do whatever they can to make that happen. I have my very own, feisty threenager. Like most kids, she can be sweet, funny, and adorable…but then at the drop of a hat, she flips the hulk switch and can be bossy, mean, aggressive, and sometimes, very angry. Every day is a challenge and you never really know what you are going to get. Whoever said that twos were terrible duped parents everywhere into thinking that once the child turned three, they left all that behind. Sadly, it doesn’t quite work that way.  Parents (myself included) are blindsided when they realize that three can be so much worse and leaves them wishing for the glory days of the “terrible twos.”

My threenager has several personalities that come out multiple times each day. Each one is very real; each one is very different. Allow me to introduce you to them.

Please meet:

  1. The Sweetheart: This little girl is the sweetest thing you will ever meet. She snuggles, hugs, kisses, and tells you she loves you. She wants to do everything with you, even play with your hair. She is a lovey, adorable little sweetheart. I wish she would come out more often!
  1. The Know It All: This is the girl that knows everything and can do everything by HERSELF. She can get her own shoes on, pour her own glass of milk, and get her own seatbelt buckled. You get the idea. She is fiercely independent and how dare you even think about helping her or giving her any advice on anything. Get used to waiting. They move at the speed of molasses.
  1. The Baby: This is a needy little thing occasionally makes an appearance, especially when they are not feeling good or when you are busy helping a different child. “Mommy do it” for things that she just yelled at me for helping her do 10 minutes ago. Mommy comb my hair; mommy get me milk…NOT DADDY. MOMMY has to do it.
  1. The Drama Queen: Just about everything makes her believe that the world is ending. Your sock feels funny…end of the world. You can’t find the blue blanket…end of the world. Your brother turned the light off when you were in the bathroom…end of the world. Your moive is no longer available on Netflix…the end must be near. Any of these things cause massive melt downs and on-the-ground tantrums.
  1. The Angry Dictator: This girl is mean. She says a lot of, “Mine” or “You’re stupid”. She can go from Sweetheart to Angry Dictator in a matter of seconds. And the looks…the evil, angry face. You live in a constant state of fear not knowing when the dictator will emerge. Look out. She might cut you.

I am hoping that these multiple personalities disappear with time and that only one remains. The one that is happy, loving, funny, and perfect like I know she really is. This too shall pass, right?

Diary of an imperfect mum

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

Life Love and Dirty Dishes
Admissions Of A Working Mother
Dear Bear and Beany
My Petit Canard
My Random Musings
JENerally Informed

 

3 Little Buttons
Run Jump Scrap!
Cuddle Fairy
Humor, kids, Parenting

Things That Drive Moms Nuts

Have you ever met a mom that doesn’t get irritated by some little thing their kid does? I am pretty sure that they don’t exist. Kids do lots of things that just plain old infuriate most moms. They learn very early on how to push buttons…and they will test you over and over again, probably until they are grown.

I would wager that all moms probably have a couple things that their kids do that can push them right over the edge into crazy land. Maybe it’s a sound they make, a word they say over and over, or something that they do that drives you crazy. For me, well, there are a lot of things that just drive me nuts.

I have decided to put together a lovely little list of the things that my kids do that instantly make my blood boil. Warning: This post may raise your blood pressure and elicit feelings of rage and frustration.  It is probably in your best interest to read this with a big, full, glass of wine.

  • The constant background noise of children bickering. Kids are constantly fighting about anything and everything (50 reasons my kids are fighting). “It’s my turn.” “He’s looking at me.” “No, I was here first.” It’s like an annoying buzz in your ear that you can’t get away from.
  • Putting empty food boxes back in the pantry. Why can’t you just throw it away? If you eat it all, throw it away. Seems simple. Why even waste the time putting it back into the pantry? It just doesn’t make sense.
  • Loading toy purses and bags full of puzzle pieces, cards, and game pieces. They haul their crap from one room to another and then unload it where it will be sure to get kicked under the couch or shoved in dark corner, possibly to never be seen again. I don’t think we even own one complete puzzle or game.
  • Going to the bathroom with an audience. The second I enter the bathroom, it becomes party central before I can close the door. I am glad you love me so much you want to watch me poop.
  • For the love of God…put the damn covers back on the markers! Why do you insist on taking them all off and throwing them on the floor? Every single time. Seriously, just kill me.
  • “Mom, Look!” Then they proceed to shove whatever it is directly into your cornea.
  • Taking forever to get out of the car. Especially when they decide to exit the vehicle through the door that is furthest away from where they are sitting. Most of the time they will need to jump over human beings to accomplish this.  There is nothing more frustrating than standing outside in the below zero temperatures of Minnesota waiting for a kid to get out of the car.
  • Bite off the erasers to all the pencils. Why? What is the purpose of this? They don’t eat them, so it is not like they enjoy the taste. It’s a treasure hunt trying to find just one to do homework with…except all you get at the end is an eraserless pencil.

Is your blood boiling, too? Aghhhhhh! Drink up, my friend.

3 Little Buttons
Run Jump Scrap!
Cuddle Fairy
Diary of an imperfect mum
Life Love and Dirty Dishes
Admissions Of A Working Mother
My Petit Canard
My Random Musings
Close