2. Kids, it’s a deer road! Look out the window and watch for deer. Keeps them quiet for at least 5 whole minutes.
3. I’m going to count to three…What happens when I get there? I really have no idea..
4. Mom, when are you getting up? Five minutes…I’m lying it will be WAY more than 5 minutes.
5. You think you have the worst family ever? Well, let’s go check on Craig’s List for a better one for you (Me to my son).
6. Only grown-ups can drink pop. You would hate it.
7. I have no idea how to fix your iPad. Just find something else to do (P.S…I know how to fix it)
8. If you don’t brush your teeth, the Dentist will yell at you and have to pull your teeth out.
9. Yes…I love hearing about all the random Pokémon jargon you constantly talk about AND I totally care that Wigglytuff evolves into Jigglypuff and can destroy Regirock…WTF does that even mean?
11. I love your school pictures. (No…I HATE them. Why do you make that weird, fake smile?)
12. No, I don’t think you are getting any shots at your doctor appointment today. (Actually, probably 6)
13. I have no idea where your glitter and sequined art project went. (Yes I do…I threw it away).
14. It’s a tie…That’s bullshit! I totally kicked your ass.
15. You did a great job at baseball tonight…no one cared that you cried for half the game because you got out.
16. Yes, yes I totally remember that (except I have absolutely no idea what you talking about).
17. Stupid is a swear word. Really, really bad word.
18. Your outfit totally matches and looks amazing. Super job. I love how stripes, polka dots, and a swimshirt look.
19. See that guy with the white beard? That’s Santa. He is always watching. (Amazing how many white-bearded guys there are around).
20. They must be completely sold out of those Ninja Turtle shoes (Most hideous shoes I have ever seen).
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