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Mealtime with kids is always a big adventure. Most of the time, it is hellish. There is always a reason they don’t want to eat what I have made for them. I must admit, I am not the best cook in the world, but how bad can it actually be?

As an adult, this is all very confusing because, honestly, I can’t remember a time that I didn’t want to eat. In fact, I think about food all day long. Seriously, all day…I think about lunch, snack, what to have for dinner, treats…constantly. I’d even go so far as to say that my world kind of revolves around food. I have even been known not to attend events or gatherings because it interferes with a meal.

So, why can’t the kids just eat their dinner? As I mentioned, I am not a gourmet chef, but it’s like five green beans and cheese quesadilla. Just eat it. It’s pretty much the most non-offensive food known to man. It’s not like I am presenting them with a plate of balsamic-glazed salmon seared to perfection with a handmade lime drizzle. I mean honestly, it is cheese. I guess it is because kids are all about excuses. Those clowns have excuses for everything you can think of and can talk their way out of everything. Or, I really suck at melting cheese on tortillas and heating up chicken nuggets and green beans.

Here is a small sample of 56 excuses my kids give to not eat their dinner.

  1. I don’t like “it” (Doesn’t matter what “it” is; doesn’t matter if they at “it” yesterday)
  2. It looks funny (no, it‘s the same)
  3. It tastes different
  4. I’m not hungry
  5. I hate this food (lies)
  6. It is too crunchy
  7. It’s too soft
  8. It too spicy (It’s plain)
  9. I only eat peanut butter sandwiches, this is not a sandwich
  10. I’m busy
  11. My tummy hurts
  12. It’s too hot
  13. It’s too cold
  14. It’s not 98.5 degrees
  15. It’s not on your plate
  16. I only eat food on blue plates
  17. It’s not chicken nuggets
  18. Next day: It is chicken nuggets and I hate them
  19. I want cheese
  20. Not that cheese…idiot
  21. I want to go outside
  22. The dog ate it
  23. I’ll just have a snack later
  24. I’ll just have milk and a cracker
  25. I’m full (after drinking the milk and eating one cracker)
  26. I’m too tired to eat
  27. It smells gross
  28. It’s green
  29. Grandma makes it better
  30. It’s not yellow
  31. I hate rice
  32. I have a headache
  33. It’s not ham
  34. I’m in the middle of a Pokemon “battle” and I can’t come eat now
  35. It feels funny
  36. I hate your dinners
  37. It has too much butter (What? There is no such thing as too much butter)
  38. I must poop, this very instant
  39. I’m busy (um…you’re three, how busy can you be?)
  40. It feels funny
  41. I prefer candy
  42. It’s too whiteish
  43. It has something weird in it
  44. I want to sit next to mom or I can’t eat
  45. It’s dry
  46. It’s too wet
  47. It’s ugly
  48. I’m singing
  49. It’s yucky
  50. I’m sick
  51. It’s scary
  52. I want chips
  53. I’m cold
  54. I don’t to have to eat
  55. I have to pee
  56. The neighbors are out and they don’t have to eat

Before you judge my parenting tactics, I know that eating a balanced, healthy meal is important. In fact, even they know that. But I can’t force feed them at every meal. Sometimes, I just have to pick my battles. If they want to cry and gag because of the offensive cheese, then there is nothing I can do about it. Eventually they will grow out of it, right? Soon they will be daydreaming of the next snack or meal like their mama. I long for the days that I could resist a tasty meal.

Kids, food rules! You’ll figure that out eventually!

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